i'm back and the first thing that greeted me was rain. rain is always good. comforts me in sadness and lightens my heart most of the time. and when the going gets tough, at the very least there's rain to keep me company...

i miss the cold in japan. summertime is still cold for me. maybe i'm easily cold. maybe the cold can intrude and freeze my heart. sometimes cold is good.

i wonder if you wonder about me. and i wonder where you've gone. why do you always come and go and come and go. what am i to you? where have you gone now? maybe i always try not to think about you too much but you're always somehow at the back of my mind. sometimes i wish i knew what i could do or could have done better. or maybe it's better that i never appeared in your life.

so many people come and go in our lives. how can we manage everything and everyone. how can we make everyone happy. how can everyone be happy and we ourselves can be happy as well. impossible i think.

this whole holiday feels so long. it seems so long ago that i last stayed in hall, that i last studied...maybe because so many things have happened...things change so quickly...people change. have i changed? it's so scary. and up till today i can't say i even understand myself fully. it's confusing. i always thought i was in control of myself but time has proven otherwise. time has also proven that maybe i don't understand abit at all about myself.

i can't seem to grasp my feelings properly. can't seem to stand on firm ground. can't seem to find the wings to fly. and as time passes by, i understand less and less of myself...

i wish i can keep every single person in my life close to me. i wish i can keep every single person i love close to me. but....

what if tomorrow never comes? what would you have done differently?