there are a million and one things we haven't done in life so why stop now? there's hope in everything that we wish to do but when we stop hoping we stop living. there's so much happiness to embrace but we often embrace the songs of melancholy and forget to sing the happy songs.

whatever it is, i think i still want to be happy in life.

when you have too much, you will also lose too much. when you have nothing at all, you have nothing to lose. better to have nothing at all then ain't it?

heart's been heavy all day. and there's a nagging anger i feel simmering inside of me. i honestly have no idea at all what the anger is about. i feel angry at everything. till there seems to be no logical explanation. the feeling is like a flash of red that i find myself breathing hard to control lest i lash out at something or someone. almost physically violent.

i know it isn't healthy. guess nothing really helps anymore.

i saw that flash of red during the match against young flamingoes and it's really scary. i didn't even know what made me lose my cool and so violently fling the stick away from the goal. i was angry that they scored first when they played so badly. i was angry that we all marked our players but they still scored. i was angry that they had no angle to shoot and our goalie was already at her post and they still scored. and i was angry that they are going to have another chance to score then and i lost my cool.

i think i need tranquilizers or something. i feel a steam rising from within and these bouts of downs and anger seem harder and harder to control.

today i fell in love with a puppy and how i wish she was going to become mine. but i realised today how i am not in control of my life. how i can't have what i really wish to have. how circumstances have made me live a life that could have been far better. and it scares me how this situation will always remain this way. it might never change. i will never have what i really wish for or want.

how scary is that.

and i still feel the bouts of anger rushing about inside of me.

i had an inkling of how it feels like to truly be lonely today. and maybe it's not that bad to be alone. there was a kind of sensation that rose out from beneath, from the heart i guess. am i a poet or just a builder of castles in the air? because i feel deeply the emotions of things that hadn't happened before or just haven't happened yet, as long as i think about it.

it's like i want a kind of release. from what i don't really know. from pain perhaps but what is pain but happiness filled with guilt. from happiness perhaps. released of happiness to be released of pain.

the pain of a heartbreak may ache so badly it feels like a heart being pierced by a dagger. but the pain that i feel is dull, it moves about and it travels. it's kind of like poking a very small syringe through, you can barely feel it but the entry is painful. then it begins to tingle and numbs and you feel as though water is going through you bloodstream. just as it begins to feel cooling and good, you begin to come out of the numbness and feel that ache shooting through you. you begin to dread the exit of the needle, wishing that it will stay where it is, inside you. so that the pain will not shoot through you again. seeking comfort in that momentary numbness or stillness of pain. but whatever comes will go somehow. and the needle exits you and the pain and nausea you feel cannot be described.

i feel a little sad tonight. so what? i feel the adrenaline rush after a game of netball. so what? i feel like letting the tears go after watching a particularly moving episode on dvd. so what? i feel all these things but what i can't feel is the way love is supposed to feel like, anymore.

so what?

people live, but people die.

your love for me killed your soul
but love killed me.

have you ever wondered which hurts the most? saying something & wishing you hadn't? or saying nothing & wishing you had? i guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. if you do, they might break your heart.. if you don't you might break theirs. have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? your heard decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. you can't tell your heart what to do. it does it on its own when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to. have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much.. for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all. have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? we tell lies when we are afraid..afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. but every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. life is all about the risks & it requires you to jump. don't be a person who has to look back & wonder what they would have done, or could have had. what would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say goodbye? what would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there? what would you do if your best friend died tomorrow & you never got to tell her how you felt? what would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them? what would you do if you never got the chance to say 'i am friends with all of my family and they know i love them?' people live, but people die.

情灭了爱熄了剩下空心要不要
春己走花又落用心良苦却成空
我的痛怎么形容一生爱错放你的手

我宁愿看着你睡的如此沉静
胜过你醒时决裂般无情

再给我两分钟
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪
你妆都花了
要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭不是因为在乎