why did i land myself into this shithole, i seriously can't think of the reasons. or are there too many reasons. too many? even after struggling within myself for the longest time, the truth is hard to handle and the pain is real. suddenly the whole thing seems surreal like i don't know if it's really happening or is this a dream that i'm drifting. what am i doing?

how can one bring herself to hurt someone she cares about so much? it's so ironical this thing called love. what's love about? why do i feel the way i do only to do the things i half regret later? and why why why? why is it that when i'm in a love that's almost perfect i feel guilt-stricken. as though i'm the little imperfection. the tiny black spot that makes everything imperfect.

i think i'm psychologically unsound. hearing voices that are not there. seeing things that should not be seen. wondering about issues too far fetched. and almost always thinking that there's a burden, a rock on my shoulders weighing me down.

i look towards the future that i think i want, but i still can't see a thing. there's a void.

and here i am, still struggling within myself for the answers that i can't seem to find. thinking of a way to end this misery and pain that has struck me more than ever.

i don't even know what has come over me. there's like this overwhelming burning sensation that can almost drive me to tears. it's like. i'm not me anymore.

the day started out rather late and i thought it'd be a failure trying to do my readings. but guess what, i'm up at this weird hour and i'm finished with my reading! =D thanks to yips jie cos i was waiting for her to finish her fyp report so that she can print it! hahha! yips im not that sweet la, i just wanted to stay up to do my work hahaha! =P

anw days have been going on fine and i think it'll get better. (x i do wish that things will be fine for you with the op about to happen and all. it's so scary but i know it'll all be okay..hugs!

you know it's really sad when a friendship begins to tear apart. bit by bit. bit by bit. it must have been me. i should not have done what i did and maybe things will not come to this but somehow i don't regret anything at all. it seems to me as though all along the person i've known was a facade of what she really is. is this really what you are?

i saw so little and i thought i knew so much. i saw so much in you but i guess all that i saw was a pretty face and i wonder if your heart can at all be filled with anything else but a certain past you were supposed to have left behind but you stayed behind with it.

it is unfathomable the things that come out of your lips and i wish i was deaf for that instant or that i could just press the mute button so that all the things i thought of you wouldn't have faded away in that instant.

you were so much but you are nothing. or maybe you are that much but you choose to be nothing. nothing that i can hope to bring back. nothing that i can wish to salvage. that i'm worth this little of your finger that it doesn't matter whether you have it or not.

and you know what it doesn't matter to me anymore. and even if it does, it will not show anymore. i have given up on you.

thankyouidomissthehappiertimesbutgoodbye
yourenotworthmytimeandeffortanymore.

we're like little atoms floating around. some of us move faster than others. some are dormant. there are the few whom we can't catch a good glimpse at because they come and go so quickly. yet we all exist for the purpose of meeting other atoms to form molecules. some molecules are easily shaken apart into atoms again. others are more stable and harder to break apart. yet there are some that form such strong bonds that it is almost impossible to break apart.

are you an atom or are you a part of a molecule?

回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了
情难了

fleeting moments...

time passes by so quickly you know you can't ever catch hold of it. it's so fast that you know it can never be in your hands. i think i've changed alot especially in these past few months. i feel different. i know i'm different. i think i've waved goodbye to who i used to be.

every day's birthday when we know we've lived it up to our best! happy birthday out to my dear vian haha, jun and ain! (x i'm really really glad to have people to share birthdays with, especially a bunch like you girls!

i really enjoyed this year's birthday though it's much simpler. i enjoyed the company. the wishes from sooo many sweet people. i enjoyed the love and warmth..even the presents seem so psychic! i think my 22nd birthday will be rmbed for a very long time (x

it's great, i think i've learned to be a better person. i've learnt to be less selfish and opening my heart to friendships and giving more priorities to friends who matter instead of those whom i don't think i can even call friends.

i guess there's really a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow and i've found mine...i'm so glad. blessed and happy!

thank you everyone who cared enough to wish me, or be around...love you girls/guys a long long time!

nothing can ever replace this feeling of having all these important people around you. knowing that people care enough to be there. amidst all the hustle of life and amidst their busiest times, they care enough to be around. =D

there's not much more that i can ask for...

what it would have been but will never be. when one decides to cut short his journey by taking his own life, leaving loved ones devastated. there's no room for sympathy as we wonder and wonder what goes through his mind. but somewhere deep inside, a little of him lives in all of us. not sympathy. but empathy. his actions echo a silent scream deep within during our darkest, most helpless days and nights.

god bless.