seems like we've taken a huge step forward. seems like after all the fears of the steps we've missed and the barriers we've to cross, we've been unfazed. it seems to me like she has finally understood what has been lacking all these while.

words are cheap. they don't mean a thing. actions speak louder than words. with action comes words naturally. with words, action does not necessarily prevail.

seems like 2008 is going to end pretty well after all. seems like december is really still the best month of all months. seems like 2009 will be a warm and welcoming year.

i've abandoned my jersey number 8 for a change. wanted 17 but it was taken so i took 71 instead. how very apt timing when box decided to change her number to 17 of which she passed her driving on her first attempt. =D

never thought you'd have the ability to surprise me with the words that you've said. and the affirmation once and twice and again and again. pardon me for being doubtful, for hopes and expectations always brought along pain and disappointment. after tonight, i can finally rest my burdened heart. if, and only if what is said is done.

life can only get better after tonight.

if i had done things to people that made them unhappy but i knew i had not done anything against my own will, i think i should not feel unhappy. why did i ever gotten so weak that i had to beg for forgiveness. i don't regret going down on my knees but i regret having that slightest benefit of doubt given to the people who don't deserve a single bit of it.

i stood up for my every right. i should be proud of it. why did i hide my face and sounded to meek like a kitten? i had a willing heart to give in but it was futile and stupid. i should never have relented.

would you try to break up a couple if one of them is your good friend and the other one you dislike? if you truly cared for someone would you do such a thing? why bother giving so much to people who can't even give you basic respect?

karma comes and it doesn't go. what comes around goes around. and it is already beginning to show. slowly but surely.

if your friends treat your gf like an outcast and blatantly leave her out of gatherings and outings, what would you do?

被爱是幸福, 爱人是痛苦

no wonder there are so many who choose to be with someone who loves them more than anything in the world even though they may not feel as strongly.

it has been a cycle. many cycles. and it's been ongoing. and up till this very moment, my heart still feels the sickening crunch and the feeling of knowing that there are things or people that can override me is the worst feeling that i can ever hope to feel.

how would you feel if.....

your mother is sleeping. your sister is sleeping. even her bf is sleeping. your brother is sleeping. your 4 cats are all sleeping. your internet is ERRATIC and you're FUCKING BORED TO DEATH and you can't find a soul who can make you feel a teeny weeny bit better?!

ARGHS!!!! what kind of post christmas day is this?!!!!!

and why is it that i have to feel guilty doing this and that and nobody's making it any better?! ARGHS!!!

this christmas kinda sucks!

i wrote my thoughts on the clouds tonight and the wind came and blew it all away.

you should really try hanging out in town at night this december. though i didn't really feel the christmas atmosphere at first, it came after awhile when i heard carols and when the gusts of wind blew across the skies. or you could sit by the riverside at boat quay and watch the ripples. it has a hynotizing effect.

it's been a great week. cos i finally got my driver's license!! =D

at this very moment my heart feels just a little heavy......

每一首歌都会让你想起一个人

我在你的心里面是什么样的歌曲？

december is the best month of 2008. it hasn't been a good year but it could have been worse. lovely december's moving away too quickly. time is passing like quick sand, and i'm being sucked down into the earth as january approaches. i love december too much. it's so filled with the spirit of love and giving. even the weather treats us well. christmas is beautiful. my christmas is red, blue and white. what colour is yours?

i wouldn't mind a black and red christmas too.

all i need for christmas is my car license. =(

and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow will be ivp camp. the first ivp camp with different people after three years. maybe ivp camps have a special meaning to me because of the people i always have it with and so this one seems queer. too different and too far away from the familiar. nevertheless ntu is a team to be proud of. =D

在你的记忆里面有一个我
在你最痛苦的时候陪你度过
难过过了 天晴朗了 我就走

你总说　时间还很多

你可以等我

以前我不懂得

未必明天　就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛

它活在我身上所有角落

哼你爱的歌会痛

看你的信会痛　连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛

它流在血液中来回滚动

后悔不贴心会痛

恨不懂你会痛

想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了

多爱你就会抱你多紧的

我的微笑都假了

灵魂像飘浮着　你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候

陪你做想做的无论什么

我越来越像贝壳

怕心被人触碰　你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

it is too beautiful a night to be at home or sleeping. when i walked out of the house at the time that people are all going back home tonight, it suddenly hit me how much i'm missing. the weather's too good, especially tonight. especially when it rained alot today and the skies finally cleared and the air is so cool, so fresh and smells of christmas. i think everyone should spend december sleeping in, in the day when the rain falls and then stepping out at night when the rain stops. it feels so much like i was in aussie land just now. i should go out more often at night.

december's still young, it's probably gonna be the best time of the year for the next 3 years cos it'll be hols and the weather is too good to be true. even now, i don't feel like crawling into my bed cos i don't wanna lose this feeling. if only there're places to visit right now, just sitting around, drinking hot chocolate with christmas lights all over the place like the house in 4 christmases. it'll be so so nice.

and for great company too, tonight. unexpected hold ups and thinking i'll be all alone but lucky there's another lonely soul around heh. okay maybe not lonely but just...alone?

so who else wants to hang out at night for december with me? it's gonna be so nice. i love it when i can wear jeans and not feel warm and sticky. love it when i can wear the many many sweaters, jackets, pullovers....that i've got but seldom get to wear and even when i do, i keep taking it off and putting it on cos singapore is just too warm! everyone hurry finish exams, projects and those working TAKE ALL YOUR LEAVE IN DECEMBER and spend it with me!!!

i miss aussieland and china when it was cold and all.....

i miss you too.

不知所措

i ask myself why but i can't find an answer. can anyone help me find it?

you know life is so very unexpected. some people come into your life at the most unexpected times and shine a light that has long been snuffed out.

i should really get some sleep. it's been a long time since i slept well. not that long actually but it feels like a long time....

an empty room. an empty bed with mismatched pillow case. a table strewn with too many mismatched things. a silence so deep and hollow.