beautiful girl

i don't know
if i am the one for you in this life
i can't help
hearing my voice calling your name
cos when i'm
trying so hard not to look in your eyes
maybe i
have fallen in love with you

i can't so describe how i;m feeling deep inside
so much more than i can say
with your touch it feels so right
oh my you're so near
allt he time in this place
for i know in my heart
i will never let you go
in this lifetime
do you know why
oh baby
cos you're just so beautiful to me

well tonight
maybe this time i can hear you breathe
it's alive
to see you smile with those tears in your eyes
they may say
that you're just a girl in this spinning world
in my heart
you're like the world to me

touch my hand
feel my heart
hold me close and you'll find me
you'll find me

you're so beautiful to me

focus

today i got to know ayeeeeen better. she's lame and she likes to ask me to eat. =P yes yes i will eat captain! HAHA! also got to know soak and yoke peng better. never realised how humourous they can be. quite funny in the car! HAHA!

friendly was fun...!!! could have done better here and there but i did my best...last period tyre punctured..sian! I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT! i blocked a damn nice shot from my own defender siannnnz! =XxXxXxXxX

super happy though cos i got A+ for my HW101 essay like OMG WOW!!! =D weeet weeet!

HAHAHA. okay this is a super thrashy blog entry cos its 1am now and my adrenaline is still rushing though my eyes are so tired and i'm waiting for that dearest bummy to call me so that i can sleeep!!!

GOODNIGHT!

premonition. do we act on our premonition, try to hard to prevent what is to come and end up getting to the end quicker than it would have been? or is it that no matter what we do, the premonition will still come true?

sometimes we try too hard. when i had no pressure, no inferiority complex, nothing, i could do the things i never thought i could have done. but when the pressure comes and you're expected to be such, that's when you begin to realise your failures. and it gets worse.

guess i gotta just relax and be focused on trying my best. giving myself too much pressure. thinking too much. too afraid. lost my confidence.

there are incidences and experiences in life that shape your future. they can be related or unrelated. small or big. sometimes we think the big incidents leave big scars in our lives but more often than not, big incidents have to be faced. they are things that you can't run away from and when you face up to them, they can only make you better. it's the small things. the little things that you push away. that you think nothing of. little by little they exist somewhere in you and they shape your thinking and your emotions.

i know i'm better than this. i wish i could be at the start all over again. when everything was easy. everything was fun. it is easy to improve when there's nothing to your credit. but when you begin to achieve things, it is so easy to disappoint.

focused. i need to be focused.

i've found my motivation. very motivating..

no i'm not gone. i'm still here.

past few days have been sinful fun. no work and all play. makes cheryl a sinful girl?

i like the word momentarily. it's almost like a frozen moment. a moment when time stands still for a fraction of a second and the emotions rush all over you and you push them away and regain consciousness as time begins again.

life's a splash when you jump right in, says 7up. i jumped right into life too many times and i realised something. life's not only a splash if you jump right in not knowing how to swim. you will just thrash around in the waters and either end up drowning or waiting for someone to save you. i got saved. a few times. and i think it's time i learnt how to swim before jumping in for a splash.

i really need to train up my fitness. it's like shit. seriously. the last friendly on sat i played like shit. i knew where to run. i knew what to do. i knew how to shield. but. i couldn't even reach the ball cos i was too tired to run.. =( what happened? i don't know if it's because i didn't eat at all or because my fitness really deproved that badly. sigh. got warned by jill. i could be cut from the ivp team. that really really sucks. really ='( please be my motivation....i'm tired..

anw, to all those people having exams now, or studying for the upcoming exams, all the best! don't procrastinate like me, just DO IT! special shout-out for jolene: jolene GOH GO GO! hhaha! yes the pun was intended...thanks for always being there for me in all the bad times. =D (cute smiley for you hehe!)

ms fiona choo. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

love ya all. yea, if you manage to read here, you are special to me. hahaha...laters.

18 months ago

if i had a choice, i will choose to be with you all over again.

we never ran out of words to say and we never ran dry of our emotions. so many times, so many tries. nothing ever comes easy.

i love the way you look at me, when you laugh at everything i say on the webcam. i love the way you sing, without a care in the world. i love the way your arms fit around me. and your soft breathing when you sleep. i love the way you forget things because it makes you almost childlike.

i don't know what you might think of me, after all these fights. but i want you to know that each time i made you upset because i was upset, hurts me more than you ever knew. every single thing i do, was never meant to hurt you. and i know i unknowingly did, it stabs me way too deep.

i was once your perfect girl. the one you wished to love for life. now you know i'm not perfect, but you must know, nobody ever is. all i know is i gave you my best, and better is what i can only become.

all these months we spent together, i'm so glad we've made it here. you're endearing and ever so desirable...you must know.

and 18 months ago, i gave my heart away. today it's still taken and it's all still yours to hold.

words are cheap, sorries don't mean nothing. but i know you know you must know...that you're cherished, loved and you'll always be my number 1.

happy 18 months!

The Downfall of Pride

a fruitful training tonight though i wasn't really performing. every training since the first one at ntu, i learn something and i think that's most important. like what i said, i love trainings though we've yet to really gel together that well yet but what i love most is the humility here. i love how even the best player in the team is so willing to give her all and help weaker players regardless of who they are. i'm really honoured to play with people like serena and shanti, even the rest who are newer to floorball than i am. cos they really are there because they just want to play floorball. nothing else.

jill told us today how her ite boys lost the match against rp. a team of talented players against a team of not as good but committed players. it's pride that caused their downfall, she told us. and i can't agree more. it is always okay to be proud of who you are but having too much pride just doesn't work. but i still don't agree with the ban on ISG(inter-school games) though i know where they're coming from. sadly, we can't always have everything we want in our lives, even when we excel in doing them.

serena taught me how to pass properly today. after so many years of floorball, my basics are still not perfect. and i was quite amazed by the hard passes that i could connect with and pass back straight away. i feel like i was empowered with a magic stick or something.. =b

a good teacher nurtures good students. a student can be all willing to learn but a teacher who is all willing to teach will learn together with the student and the student will have the best learning experience ever.

i'm really excited about ivp now. i can't wait to play and just have a team that counts. i'm so new yet i am beginning to feel a sense of belonging. =D

adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream, i just can't stop raving about training..haha!

the day begun well and i hope it goes well and ends well...

i think i'm beginning to shed a little more of my defenses and learn to stand on my own two feet a little more.

i must thank janice and pris for the talk, it really helped me!

jan told me to learn to be independent...

if you can stand on your own two feet without depending on her, you will eventually live well with or without her...

very, very true. not easy, but very very true. now each time i feel like i need more, i will remind myself that i can stand on my own two feet and i will be happy no matter what.

lots and lots of thoughts running through my head now...

gonna write a more emotional post later...for a very special person =b

i miss you, bummy bee =D

when i look into your eyes

i see forever
when i look in your eyes
you're all i ever wanted
always want you to be mine

let's make a promise
till the end of time
we'll always be together
and our love will never die

so here we are face to face and heart to heart
i want you to know we will never be apart
now i believe that wishes can come true
cos i see my whole world
i see only you

when i look into you eyes
i can see how much i love you
and it makes me realise
when i look into your eyes
i see all my dreams come true
when i look into your eyes

i'm sooo tired =(

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

-not

really, in the world that we're in right now, we find ourselves apologising all the time. we step on someone's shoe on the cramped mrt train and we mutter sorry. we forget our books because we were rushing our essays the night before and to our tutors we say sorry. we are sorry for everything. no actually we're not.

sorry is not sorry anymore. sorry is just a word. like okay. ya. nod. mmmm. it's a transition word without any meaning. anyone agrees with me?

i don't know why i'm talking bout that, perhaps there are too many apologies in our lives and a new word to replace sorry needs to be invented. so that when we say "i am sorry"...we are really sorry.

okay, cranky mood down here cos i've just finished the worst essay of the year.
cranky mood upped a notch because today i failed my TP the 3rd time.
cranky mood upped another notch because i'm so tired now.

cranky mood down down downed.
because i just received some really sweet messages on facebook and it made me day/night/midnight.

okay i should crash.

i am not sorry haha.

Odour of Chrysanthemums

this is my last resort.

i never wished to privatise my blog. it is in fact, against my better wishes. i finally understand why people start doing this. even the best people in my life, the nicest ones who always gave their best to people and thought the nicest things of people who hurt them start to privatise their blogs. they start to keep their lives private. i finally understand why.

the world has evolved so fast. perhaps to people in our generation or a tight age group understand this fundamental need of blogging. how in our era emotions are strung high and we have been taught to have a voice. a voice that represents our right. even if its against the majority. we need to have a voice. yet we fail to realise that just a few years before us, they probably were taught to keep their mouths shut.

everything that i type on my blog is so serious in their eyes. even a casual remark become an accusation. while we've failed to realise the seriousness of what we've been typing about, they have failed to realise how we need this as an outlet. our lives are different from them. we live in an era that we cannot afford to make mistakes. we have to be good at everything. we have to be good at things we don't want to be good at. and we really really need an outlet.

our words don't seek to hurt anyone. neither do they seek to blame or threaten anyone. more often than not, the action of typing here makes us feel so much better. we could have felt like committing murder just awhile ago but after typing, we feel like we can move on. and yet, we cannot even have the freedom of typing anything down without thinking about how it will make us seem like idiots and that we're self piteous fools. we are not. but people judge us. because they read without a heart that understands.

i feel so upset now because i'm leaving the blog that held so much memories for me. it is like trying to leave a part of my life behind. but i know i will get over it.

i tried to be the best but i did it the wrong way. i realised my mistakes and i'm trying to do it the right way now. yet i'm judged for it. i can't even blog about my struggles.

you know how precious those bloggings are..when i look back and learn about how i struggled through difficult times and come out stronger? no, they don't know. they think we're angsty kids trying to kick up a great big fuss. but we always blog about it and vent it all out and we move on and learn. yet they don't see it. they only see what we do in that very moment. we're encased with our words. because they don't see our learning process. they only see that we're wrong. we're wrong. we're wrong.

we're honest about our feelings. is that wrong?

and after all, this has not the slightest thing to do with them at all. yet we're judged. just because we blog about it. they read it. and it becomes their problem. it's not. it really is not. it's my problem. my own problem. please, leave me alone.

i can't blame them. they're brought up to be like that. but they can't blame us. we're brought up like this.

so from now on, whoever reads here, please remember, you're reading this because you're my friend. because i know you understand. because i know you won't judge me. and if you do, please self-censor, self-exuent, do whatever you wanna do, but don't read anymore. if it affects you into any action or feel that you're obliged to do anything to me, against me, for me. don't do it. because i don't need it.

thank you very much.