why did i land myself into this shithole, i seriously can't think of the reasons. or are there too many reasons. too many? even after struggling within myself for the longest time, the truth is hard to handle and the pain is real. suddenly the whole thing seems surreal like i don't know if it's really happening or is this a dream that i'm drifting. what am i doing?

how can one bring herself to hurt someone she cares about so much? it's so ironical this thing called love. what's love about? why do i feel the way i do only to do the things i half regret later? and why why why? why is it that when i'm in a love that's almost perfect i feel guilt-stricken. as though i'm the little imperfection. the tiny black spot that makes everything imperfect.

i think i'm psychologically unsound. hearing voices that are not there. seeing things that should not be seen. wondering about issues too far fetched. and almost always thinking that there's a burden, a rock on my shoulders weighing me down.

i look towards the future that i think i want, but i still can't see a thing. there's a void.

and here i am, still struggling within myself for the answers that i can't seem to find. thinking of a way to end this misery and pain that has struck me more than ever.