games will play themselves out

i think blogging happens in various states of minds. we weave through our streams of consciousness and find the words that we are losing or have lost. it's like how when you read a certain emotional entry which surfaces to be quite dramatic and the writer seems to be deeply fallen into some emotional turmoil, stop and think again. it is just a stream of consciousness. an unconscious stream of feelings that everyone have deep down inside but nobody really knows it because it seldom surfaces. when parts of a passage strike you and evoke some feelings in you, you'll realise that deep within yourself, there lies a consciousness of deeper thoughts and emotions that you have never quite thought about or felt but they've always existed within you.

there have been instances that my mind rolls back and forth back and forth and fuses into a state of confusion where the line is so blur that i can't even tell that it's a line anymore. i take my pain and retreat into it, seeking comfort in feeling the vast emotions that surge through me like an electric current. high voltage but not strong enough to kill me. but parts of me begin to die away. and die away again another day.

reality gnaws at me like a worm that eats its way out of the core of an apple. but for me it's eating its way inside. tearing me up like worthless rags. a heart made up of paper cuts.

how much it hurts to see the tears that glisten in your eyes and they unknowingly fall into my lap only for me to realise that my eyes are overflowing too.

how much it pains me to see the unfamiliar eyes fill with a certain amount of fear. i feel your trembles and i feel it in my heart.

i know, but i can't stop it.

games will play themselves out...

when will it be,
game over?