disappointed.

when you have expectations, you face disappointment. is it better to stop expecting anything? perhaps.

when you keep telling yourself to be more careful knowing how fragile you can be, but your mind succumbs to your heart and you give more than what your mind tells you to, you tend to lose out in the end.

the same cycle. repetition. vicious. scary. painful. hurtful. agonising. irritating. heart wrenching.

those words are the hardest to swallow and they refuse to digest.

so much for thinking 2009 is off to a superb start and shedding that heavy weight off my shoulders. the weight seemed to have quadrupled instantly. i should never have let myself become so defenseless like this.

and i hate to leave things hanging. i hate not knowing the answers. i hate waiting. and right now, i think i must be stupidly awake because i know the answers will not come.