I miss you. How have you been? Does he make you happy? Does he call you baby? Sleep soon or you'd be late for school. How are things at home? Do you even remember who I am? Have you really forgotten everything? Does our past haunt you? Do you stay up thinking what might have been and should have been? Why is it so easy for you? Is he really so much better than me? Do you remember those letters you wrote for me? Remember those ice cream sticks that you gave me? I read all of them just now. You wrote on each and every stick the reason why you loved me. So sweet right? But I didn't appreciate it then. I'm sorry, I know I should not be looking at them but I couldn't help it. At least, I did not text you or talk to you on MSN. Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from texting you and calling you? I hope I never drunk-dial you. Since you have him, I should find another too right? But it's not that easy for me. Because my mind only thinks of you and my heart... can't forget you. Do you know of the pain I go through everyday? Do you know how zombie-like I've become? How I just don't feel like talking to anyone? Don't you miss us? Probably not. I was such a pain in the ass. I feel so stupid. I know putting all this down is just going to push you further into his arms. Have you ever felt so helpless that you'd do anything to make things right? But then again, what I think is right, may be wrong to you. Have you ever felt like it was so hard to breathe? Does he sleep on my side of your bed? Does he switch off the lights for you? Does he help you with the pimple cream? Does he cuddle you to sleep? Does he hold your hand, hold you as tightly as I did on that night? Do you call him every night before you sleep? It really kills me to think of you with him. I don't think you know that. I don't think you know how much I loved you. How much I changed after everything bad that happened. How much I learnt to loved you. How much I learnt to treasure you. I really felt like I could love you forever.

from a friend's blog...and it opened a door that i tried to keep shut all these while...i can't find the words to say to you but i don't know....maybe someday we can still hang out together..