"The Gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back on its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labour." -The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)
it speaks of how futile efforts spent and hopelessness is the most dreadul punishment, worse than any other kind. and indeed it is true. which brings my plan Adopt Another Attitude to action because as i quote try as i might to make everything better, it just doesn't work anymore unquote.
do you realise how beautiful literature is? even through the study of the Theatre of Absurd i find a quote that rings so true in our era and that quote was written 56 years ago.
the worst feeling to get when you've spent endless efforts is knowing that your efforts are worthless and hopeless just like the condemnation of Sisyphus of which he has to ceaselessly roll a huge rock up a mountain and let it fall back on its own weight and push it up again and repeat this motion over and over again.
i realise now it's not an effort. it's not helping. it is a punishment like what The Myth speaks about. so yet again, i must AAA.
circumstances may punish you, they may try to make you suffer. the devil is always in every single soul trying to show itself stronger than the kindness each is born with. and because some succumb to the devil does not mean i have to suffer. the facades of the faces will show themselves, if not sooner, then later. but they will show.
but in the meantime, i will not be condemned like Sisyphus. i will not suffer the futility of pushing the bloody rock up the mountain only to let it fall back down again and again. AAA.
truth is, i blamed myself. that i was too lousy. that i was really that bad a girl. that because of all that i am i'm being ostracised. but hey. today i realised i am not. I AM NOT! say my name and the bias one will speak ill of me a million times worse than what i really am. say my name and those who follow and worship the devilish one will speak ill of me a million times worse than what i really am. but say the devil's name and watch those who have not heard a single word about the filthiness of it cringe and turn away. the devil has shown itself even to strangers and to innocence. say my name to the strangers and watch them smile.
the one who speaks a million ill things about me will someday realise, she is not even an inch in my very league.
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